thump….thump….thump…thump. My heart pounds in slow motion, selflessly feeding me. I like to shift my focus to the pauses between the beats, and listen to the silence as i savor the moments of pure awareness that come as a consequence. So many things that once seemed so certain, begin to crumble into uncertainty, as though the practice of shifting my focus has also shifted my awareness. I used to think i was a whale in a lake, distraught by the confines of my cage. Now i know myself to be a goldfish in an ocean, thrilled by the prospect of growing to fit my container. My heart whispers to me that i am also the ocean, and i am in awe for what feels like hours. I whisper back to it that i am a universe as i drift to sleep, wondering where my spirit will travel while its body slumbers. My mind awakens to the truth of my form. it becomes clear that if i am awareness, while my body is automation, then my being is killing itself each day, simply to keep me alive. Suddenly life seems selfish, even breathing seems selfish. My heart reminds me to love, and the selfishness dissipates. Freedom is loving action, and silence is peace. I am love, we all are. I will wake them, whispers my soul, having been roused by my consciousness, and my purpose seeps into each portion of my structure. I will love them, I say knowing them to be innumerable.

Why dos it always seem like the people who are most afraid of not getting what they want, are the very same people who have no idea what they need? Moreso, why do people get upset with others when they discover that their priorities are not shared by the entire planet? Of course your priorities are only applicable individually,youre one tiny little speck of cleverly stacked atoms floating on an equally tiny rock orbiting an equally tiny star in an average galaxy thats floating in an infinite universe. If you dont get a job, you wont have money and then you cant buy things. So its true money doesn’t buy happiness, unless you choose to look for happiness in items, because money does buy items. At the end of the day the items you have get ignored because you ge bored with them, but the people you surround yourself with will always surprise you. Compassion is the currency of cohabitation, thus only a Loved individual is a truly happy individual. I suppose the more pertinent question is, who cares if a loved man has or does not have any items, if the admitted purpose of existing is love.

Based on how corporations turn everything into a commodity and charge four times more for it then it costs to produce, I’m so happy weed is illegal. Who knew that’d be the only way to keep it cheap and pure.

A bit disenchanted because this is the first year in five years I won’t be hosting a huge thanksgiving, for my chosen family of friends, especially because last year went perfectly! Alas! Detachment requires rational conceptualization, and so I am not so much sad, as I am disappointed in myself, for failing to consider this while living my life.

People think I’m compassionate or really generous or whatever, truthfully, I just feel awful when I have something that I’m not sharing with someone else. Especially because I’m really not that morally altruistic, and thus don’t really even deserve it at all. But I always think people around me deserve it. And that reminds me that I probably deserve stuff too, but just not more than they do. Sounds more like white guilt than compassion. Lol

when people respond to, “compassion is the most important thing.” with, “yeah but you have to take care of yourself first.”. Like its some hidden secret that no one knows. I wonder if it occurs to them that putting yourself first is literally the opposite of the point I was trying to make. I wonder if they feel attacked, or as though I’m accusing them of lacking compassion and thus they feel a need to justify their lifestyle. I even wonder if they said what they did because they dot consider my attention to self as being adequate. Idk, when I say people should just try to love everyone they meet, I am asserting confidently that anyone is capable of this. So don’t tell me I’m just different, I don’t think I’m special or better in anyway so you can’t feed my ego, and don’t tell me you just don’t work like that, because that’s a cop out. Actually you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, I’m not competing with you, this is not a challenge to your way of life, it is an expression I mine. The difference is I don’t tell you yours is crazy, I don’t tell you yours is impossible. I just listen, because I love you, and I want you to be happy, more than I need you to see where I’m coming from, I love YOU more than my idea of who you are. I’m not saying I want anyone to change, I just want them to know they’re beautiful, and they don’t have to hide.

I think if you take everything that has ever been said about the human being, in regard to physicality, spirituality, psychology, and creativity, you end up with a creature with the innate tendency to shape its world to fit its beliefs, able to choose between arbitrary qualities and deify them haphazardly according to circumstance. The greatest question posed by the individual ego is not “how can I remain where I am?”, rather, “what is my purpose for being where I am.” . This inquiry has an incredible capability to allow free-will to exist, while simultaneously confining it to the assumptions of one being, and articulating it predictably as a whole, allowing for similar experience throughout, while also allowing complete individuation. Everything else is just random patterns organically produced by organization and arbitrary co-definition of rationally perceived causal groups within a non-linear organism.

There is a peace in me. I once thought it to be rage, it so voraciously struggled to get out, I feared it, not knowing what it was, and I fought to keep it in. And on the thirteenth anniversary of my birth, I saw that the rage had begun to escape, however what I had formerly thought was it’s origin, seemed to grow. It was then that I began to face my fear, I began to realize that fear had many forms, and when I discovered it within me, and looked it in the eye, I saw it was truly just misplaced hope, and then the peace revealed itself, fortifying it’s attachment to learning. It soon became clear that true learning was impossible in the presence of preconceived notions. And suddenly context became a path to truth, as opposed to truth itself, and as a result the subtle details of existence became a glittering path to joy, and it began to teach me that context was circumstantial, only being was absolute. However, all things should be accepted and understood, regardless of personal opinion. After ten years of learning in this way, one simple, yet omni-applicable truth, became clear quite suddenly. The glittering path was merely a compassionate one, giving full attention to all that was, accepting that the tiniest piece of sand on the largest beach, was equally intricate as myself, and as such deserved both my respect, and consideration. Of course in the past I have strayed from the path, now that I posses the affinity to recognize it, those slips are becoming less and less prevalent. The truth Is not to be submissive to personified Gods, but to accept the magnitude of being, and come to know godliness, and all the things it entails, and in doing so, learn to recognize God.

I think a good way to help understand what you truly want, is to make a list, spontaneously, not putting too much thought into it or trying to be socially acceptable. But being honest. “Being” truth.

MY LIST.
1. Swim with whales, and dolphins.
2. See the great pyramids, other things in Egypt.
3. Spend a day in the life of an Egyptian poor person.
4. Visit India see the ancient sites.
5. Meet with a guru, ask which shrines to visit.
6. Go back to Ireland, see the sights.
7. Find Lisa and say hello (in Ireland)
8. Pay for all the expenses and travel, and take all of my friends backpacking across Europe.
9. Save the life of someone I love, try to stay anonymous
10. Save the life of a stranger, taking credit.
11. Attain Telekinetic ability.
12. Soar, fly, roll, swim, without the aid of mechanical equipment.
13. Find a way to teach everyone the truth that is love, and the ease of compassion following defeat of fear.
14. Meet with “starseeds” who are searching for their prince, from the red place.
15. Write a philosophy that is easy for all the understand, direct truths, no need to condescend to society.
16. Learn to play the violin.
17. Play an open mic night.
18. Be so in love with someone, that being near them brings tears to both our eyes.
19. Grow a garden of thousands of varied flowers, aimlessly planting then, leaving the arrangement up to
Nature.
20. Spend one year with the movement for Krishna conciousness.
21. Spend time in Tibet, spin the prayer wheel.
22. Help free Tibet.
23. Visit china. Rural china. Then the city for one day.
24. Spend time in rural Japan. In the mountains, search for a teacher there.
25. Spend time in Italy, visit the relics.
26. Visit Nero’s tomb.
27. Visit Greece.
28. Spend time in Australia, visit the great coral reef.
29. Walk into the desert at night, around midnight, search for an old teacher, who can speak the words and bring out the shaman in me.
30. Visit the redwood forest.
40. Hike through Yellowstone, the grand canyon and the rocky mountains in the same year.
41. Audition for a lead role in a film that seems to suit me.
42. Spend millions of dollars, solely to provide for the shelter and education of the homeless.
43. Open a new world bank, where the majority of the profits are funneled to the customer. The entire bank would be largely automated, as to eliminate maximum overhead.
44. Meet aliens, help them if I can, listen to them if I should, befriend them if they wish.
45. Live for a time in Alaska. See a wolf.
46. Have an awesome dog, husky or pure wolf. I love dogs, I wouldn’t act as though I owned him, I’d love my dog.
47. Have a child named after me as a surprise.
47.bring joy to every person I meet.
48. Smoke cannabis in Amsterdam.
49. Legalize marijuana
50. Hold someone close for hours, for no reason other than love.
51. Learn to speak to nature, after learning to speak to nature.
52. Find a UFO.
53. Visit south America, rain-forests, ancient places, cultural festivals.
54. Discover an archeological dig site.
55. Search for Atlantis until I find it, finding clues through history, esoteric lore, and geography. Assemble a team.
56. Run for senate and win.
57. Head committees that ensure environmental, and economical stability. And focus on education and conscious development of compassionate beings.
56. Teach a college class based on a personal theory.
57. Become a noble warrior, athletically competent, intellectually competent, spiritually competent, skilled in many areas of survival technique and battle capability, possess a purely peaceful soul.
58. Fall deeply in love, reciprocally, marry.
59. Learn to speak many languages, in order to ease the efforts of those I visit, not to impress them.

60. This is the big one, my one activity lasting ten years.
Learn many languages so fluently, I speak without an accent, and sound Intelligent or educated.
Randomly move to a country of a language I speak, or land ashore accidentally, and be found without any identification, claim I can’t remember who I am, in the native language, and start a completely new life. Use this new life to vastly help the people who live there, personally seeing that the people are easily able to find personal happiness, that they may focus on universal happiness. And then I will abruptly leave. I will not stay or rule or anything. And I will repeat the process, with different circumstances in a different country, piece by piece I will work diligently to bring peace and happiness to the world.

Strange, that many would look to the ruler for support in a time of individual awakening, as it is almost definitely the role of a ruler, to fear the coup resulting from awakened souls. Stranger still, that one should submit to the perceived “wisdom” of anyone else, whilst searching for a truth that lies within.

Faith is not willful ignorance, but hopeful trusting, should reason reveal a skewed intention, faith must be replaced with caution, and caution should be expressed compassionately.

To choose faith is not to choose ignorance, but to recognize the inherent ignorance within oneself. Just as wisdom is not faith solely in ones own experience, but empathy for, and knowledge of all experience.

To know thyself, is to witness ones own fallibility, allowing one to know the collective qualities of human fallibility. In doing so we move ourselves further away from judgement, and closer to understanding.